Field Note #004 - What Fiction Taught Me That Self-Help Couldn’t

I used to be a major snob for self-help books, but not in a casual “Wow, that was helpful!” kind of way. I genuinely believed I had discovered the secret to a better life and was now morally obligated to share it with everyone around me.

Every self-help book read, every small life change made, and every lovely compliment of “You look happier!” fed this belief (and my ego) until it was overstuffed. It wasn’t long until I started to believe I was the Messiah sent to spread the good word of my lord and savior, Dr. Joe Dispenza.

"Everyone is deserving of the life they want to live, and I can show them how," I thought, ambitiously. How hard could it be?

Well, ignorance was bliss.

I truly believed that every person I interacted with was willing to do whatever it took to improve their lives. People asked me for advice based on the books I had read. Some took the advice and found it genuinely helpful, while others weren’t as keen. I was met with a lot of skepticism, negativity, and people outright rejecting any idea of change because “they’re just not ready yet.”

And spoiler: People who are already averse to change don’t want you to keep shoving self-help propaganda down their throats.

OKAY! I get it now, new approach I guess! I started to take coaching courses, thinking perhaps that was the missing link. “Maybe if I am a certified coach people will actually listen to what I have to say.” Couldn’t be more wrong. The entire introduction essentially boiled down to one annoying truth: not everyone who hires a coach is actually ready to change.

Okay, so what now? How the hell do I help people who don’t want to be helped?

Maybe if I just learn some more, take on more classes, read more personal growth books, maybe then I’ll figure out how I can help people.

And let me tell you, it became EXHAUSTING. Every day was spent digesting more information, all pertaining to so many different topics. It felt like I was trying to shove the entire history and understanding of the wellness industry into the memory card of an iPod Shuffle.

So, after months of studying (and years of friends suggesting I give fiction a try), I finally decided to step into the fiction world to give my brain a break from all of this seemingly vital information. My first choice was Flowers for Algernon because I remembered it being a really good book in high school, although the Sparknotes on it didn’t convince me to read it at the time.

Wow. How could a fictional story make me feel so much (forget about movies and TV for a second)? Then, a friend told me something that completely flipped a switch upstairs. She said she loves fiction because it forces you to experience life from another person's perspective, as if you're sitting inside their mind for a few hundred pages.

That in itself not only changed the way I experience books, but the way I experience people.

The more fiction I read, the more I realized that most self-help books begin with the assumption that the reader wants to change. Fiction, on the other hand, doesn't make any assumption of the reader, but instead puts you in the mind of the characters. Some characters desperately want to grow, to get revenge, safety, power, love, and so on. Some don't see any reason to change at all, they’re perfect as they are!

And for the first time, I began to understand that maybe people weren't ignoring my advice because it was bad. Maybe they were pursuing a completely different story than the one I thought they should be living.

For years, I read self-help books trying to understand how and why people change.

It was fiction that finally taught me that not everyone is searching for the same thing.